My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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