is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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