Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
