I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
