I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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