Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
50% drunk capacity currently
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
