We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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