Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
