I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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