you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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