just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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