hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
