TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
