How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't turn off my feet"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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