You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
