He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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