Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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