your room smells of hookers.
And success
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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