i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
