Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
