based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
