forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
