if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
