MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
