once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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