theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
