There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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