Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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