so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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