Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
