that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
