He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
