Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The air taste purple.
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