my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
