Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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