I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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