from now on my penis is your penis
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
