I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
