i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
