I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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