apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
