There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
