Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
