I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
