it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
