I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we're so committed to being not committed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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