they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
