In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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