yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
