i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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